Category: Chemo

15 Minutes, Activism, Chemo, Vocal Booth

A long time coming…

Posted on by The 40 year old magpie

so, it’s been a few months. How ya dune? Me? I’ve been regrouping on multiple levels: from a change in my mood stabilizing medication to getting a bit fitter to reconsidering the direction my podcast, At The Table, which is including a name change. When I started ATT, the concept was to have guests who were in the Creative Arts talk about their work. Over time, I discovered that since I had a very low listenership, the creatives decided I wasn’t worth their time. It became more about “who’s gonna hear” rather than just talking about their process. So, I went solo, and talking/blithering/venting for an hour is an art form I have yet to master. I’m working on it.

Soooooo…. I am also contemplating adding a video live stream so I can “loosen up” in front of the mic. (trust me, it’s easier to talk when you can actually “see”).  I”m an actor – I need the audience’s adulation and support, MY GROUPIES RIGHT AND/OR WRONG!!!!!

So, my streaming options are OBS (Open Broadcaster Software) with an external web camera for FBLive or youtube from my laptop, Periscope from my phone/tablet – I had a viewership when Meerkat was around, so Persicope is the more viable option. I love the interaction on Periscope. viewers ask questions and sometimes get a bit rude, but hey, it’s ok.

I’m thinking of renaming the show after my humor blog The 5-23.

Chemo, Prose & Poetry, Reprints & Crossposts

Belonging

Posted on by The 40 year old magpie

I never felt I belonged anywhere. I felt “outside”. Even within my family, I felt like I didn’t quite belong there. Still do.  Why I feel this way, I don’t really know. I made a decision decades ago, that with exceptions, the people I knew just didn’t want to be around me. I’d want to call and ask if they wanted to go to the movies or something, but something inside me stopped me by telling me I’d be wasting my time.

This nonsense was amplified when I became brain injured and then homeless. Added to these feelings was an embarrassment and shame due to my inability to discuss contemporary culture. How can you watch the latest, hottest shows go to the theater or even read a book when you have no attention span, or even access to a tv?

Two years ago, I hospitalized myself because jumping out a window seemed a good idea. I am dealing with major depression. I lived in shelters for about a year –  you can read my series “The Sheltered Existence” on this blog it wasn’t a great experience, it wasn’t bad, either. it was what it was.

I’m in a stable environment, and was just getting myself stable, when Stage 1 breast cancer kneecapped me. Diagnosed in March, surgery in May, Chemo began in June. It’s amplified my depression. It’s made somewhat of a prisoner in my 200sq ft of studio.  Just because I get dressed and decide to go out, doesn’t mean it will happen.

I’m going to be live streaming the Farewell to My Hair, as enough of it has fallen out to reveal islands of scalp. My friends will be watching from California to hear in NYC and cheering me on. Tonight, I found out that crazy improvisers from the Magnet Musical Mixer miss me.

Truthfully, it made me cry.
I don’t feel too much of an outsider anymore.

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Ad Astra, Chemo

On the 2nd Week of Chemo

Posted on by The 40 year old magpie

I more or less survived m first week. I reacted badly to the Taxol, and now I get dosed with Benadryl before I get the drugs. I’m taking part in a study, so I get infused with calcium and magnesium before I get the Benadryl and the taxol & herceptin. the entire process is an all day affair. Benadryl knocks puts me to sleep. So far, no nausea, with the anti-nausea meds, but I am dealing with acne.

Sigh.

I am working on keeping to as normal a schedule as I can. Stay tuned.

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